Puzzlement consumes my life

You're my ex for a reason. Go away!!

Fri, 03 May 2013 22:27:32 +0100

So I went over to talk to my mate in the ref, partly coz I need to tell him something but mostly...

Thu, 02 May 2013 18:12:14 +0100

So I went over to talk to my mate in the ref, partly coz I need to tell him something but mostly using it as an excuse to go over coz he’s sat with guy I kinda like. But I get over there, can’t look at the guy and then as soon as I feel him looking at me I end the conversation with my mate awkwardly fast and practically run out the ref.

I am not built for this whole boy flirting/attractiveness thing.

I like a boy...

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 09:29:28 +0100

Yesterday was this festival at my uni, it was amazing and I had a great time. The uni’s radio station station presents it which mean me as I’m part of the radio and there’s guy from station who’s really sweet and funny and cute and yeah… He came on stage at same time as me and we were just joking around and all. Then we were dancing around and getting close but didn’t do anything but I like him..

2 brothers, 2 relationships

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 14:18:01 +0000

So I am home for easter. My brothers got back fom dads last night and me and my youngest brother talked and made a den (yes we are awesome) and had a laugh.

Meanwhile my other brother has barely spoke to me and I was trying to do work by recording lines so I could learn mine for as scene and he just kept shouting at me to shut up and its not like he was trying to listen to something else or concentrate on his own work as hes just sat on his laptop playing stupid games and being selfish. I ended up screaming at him for being so inconsiderate and unfair. (My throat now hurts…a lot)

I just get on best with me youngest brother (13) the other one (15) is just a prick basically.

I love coming home but normally after a few days it wears off and my brothers get on my nerves but right now I’ve been home for 3 days had a great time with my mum, seen one of my friends, had fun with baby brother but not one nice word or moment with the other one. Ughh, fucks sake, families are so annoying. Haven’t even gone to my dads yet :/

No news is good news...

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 23:08:00 +0000

I never really understood that saying untill now…

I’ve been suffering from back pain for about a year, it sometimes will die down and I wont notice it but the last couple of months has been worse. However, every time I went to the doctors I was sent away with some ‘excecises’ to do and I didn’t get anywhere with it. But on monday I went to the doctors as the day before I had been in agonising pain and finally felt like I was being listened to. The doctor prescribed some stronger painkillers which are helping and I had blood tests done and an X-ray. Finally I might found out whats wrong with me but I’m worried about the results. On the one hand they could find there is something wrong which is obviously bad. But on the other hand if they don’t find anything, I’m back to square one, will they just dismiss me again because they didn’t find a diagnosis. I don’t know what would be worse. I just want answers so that I can get treatment and start feeling normal again.

7 Days time and I will know the results, just got to wait until then now. This is gonna be a long week.

Guess I’ll be distracting myself with a lot of work and movies..

Realising the truth...

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 21:21:42 +0000

My mum and sister are now worried I stay in every night and never go out. I think they’re realising I have no friends here. In a way I’m glad coz it will mean I can stop pretending but then again I don’t want them to know because they worry and then they get on my backs about it like its my fault and its just annoying to be honest…

In a way I’m thankful they’re getting on my back and trying to get me to go out more but on the other hand I wish they’d just leave it…

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Fri, 01 Mar 2013 21:31:29 +0000

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Thu, 28 Feb 2013 18:14:50 +0000

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Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:41:34 +0000

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Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:24:28 +0000

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Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:34:03 +0000

Rough times

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:22:06 +0000

Today I had to do a presentation with a group about lighting. We had been stressing about it so decided this evening as a celebration we should go to the pub quiz. A few of them went to Tesco’s after dinner to get alcohol then it sounded as if they were gonna drink before going together, but I didn’t need anything from the shop and apparently wasn’t invited to the predrinks so said I’d just meet them at the pub. I gave one of them my number so they could give me text when they were heading down. I watched a bit of TV and figured seeing as I wont be predrinking with them and don’t wanna spend much money out I’d have a cider before I left. Then get a text from them saying they aren’t going (something about a strict entry time) Its just pissed me off so much! I wasn’t gonna go out tonight but figured I would coz it sounded like most people from my group were and I wanted to make an effort coz even after 6 months I don’t feel like I have any good friends here. And yet it didn’t go ahead. Everytime I try to make an effort it doesnt work out! It seems pointless! I’m just fed up of having to try so hard yet still not have friends! I miss home!

Awkward!

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 01:30:30 +0000

So monday night I hooked up with a guy. He got my number and called me so I had his but I didn’t wanna text him coz didn’t wanna be weird and didn’t know what I was even doing. Then tonight I bumped into him down at the uni bar, we chatted a couple of times but it was always brief and awkward. I wouldn’t be able to think of conversation or anything when he was there, then he went and I thought of something I could say that could of kept it going or could be bit more friendly you know?! But now its too late and ughh! I’m thinking I might just add him on fb tomorrow (later today) and message him basically saying hey, sorry and chatting a bit. Don’t want it to be awkward coz I’m gonna be seeing him either way and he seems cool and nice so wanna be friendly at least. UGHHH LIFE!! If anyone can help or give advice on my life/situation it would actually be appreciated!!?

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Sun, 20 Jan 2013 21:52:38 +0000

Shut up and let me calm down!!

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 21:09:24 +0000

I have been so stressed lately, I am exhausted and just need some down time. Last night I just wanted an early night to catch up on sleep and relax but people in my halls kept me up and with all the stress I broke down. Today I was feeling better and was planning to have stress free evening (this went out window when I was trying to book travel for visiting a mate next month) but then got into bed to watch movie to relax but couldn’t hear it even on full volume when practically sat on top of it because everyone’s playing their music so loud coz they’re going out tonight! I’m so pissed off! I just need a day off with some peace and quiet to be allowed to relax!

I fell in love in 2012 I was happy in 2012 2012 is now over. So...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 19:45:15 +0000

I fell in love in 2012

I was happy in 2012

2012 is now over.

So are all those things.

2013 is a new year and a new adventure, I’m gonna make it count.

No! This is a bad idea and I am NOT doing it! I know this is a bad idea but I keep going back there...

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 20:05:31 +0000

No! This is a bad idea and I am NOT doing it! I know this is a bad idea but I keep going back there and I don’t know why! I must remove myself from the situation… Aghhh, I can’t deal with this! Why do I do it! It’s like I just can’t have a normal conversation with him! No! I am not doing this! I will change the subject. I will not let this happen!

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Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:56:02 +0000

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Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:46:49 +0000

Sister Bias

Sun, 06 Jan 2013 09:25:34 +0000

Everyday these holidays. 9am-My sisters (age 20) comes into my room shouting about how she can’t believe I’m still asleep and how I’m so lazy because of it.

This morning. 9.30am- My sisters tells me to turn off my music (which is playing incredibly quietly) then I gently knock on her door and goes in once she answered needing to ask her question before I leave which was meant to be at 9. She then says “Eugh, why have you woken me up” As if I have done the rudest thing in the world. I needed to ask her a question and tried doing it in the nicest way possible and she had already told me to turn the music off so was awake anyway, yet I am the bad guy despite her having done it the whole holidays!